Taylor Swift Dumped Calvin Harris… Because He Got Caught Leaving a Thai Massage Place

Like so many relationships before it, Taylor Swift’s relationship with Calvin Harris is dead. Long live Taylor Swift’s relationships.

Taylor
Taylor Swift with Calvin Harris, before she knew he was the kind of dude that goes to shady Thai massage parlors.
(source) Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris have broken up after 6 months, but BEFORE YOU ALL TAKE TO SOCIAL MEDIA AND MAKE JOKES ABOUT HOW TAYLOR SWIFT CAN’T KEEP A MAN, know that Calvin Harris was a naughty, naughty boy. According to OK Magazine, Calvin Harris was caught today leaving a shady Thai massage parlor in Los Angeles. Harris reportedly spent two hours at the parlor, which charges $40 an hour. Now, if you’re not familiar with what a Thai massage parlor does, let’s just saw that Calvin Harris was REAL DESPERATE to be completely relaxed. All over his body. Get the picture? Good. Now that we’re all reasonable uncomfortable, I can continue with the breakup story…

Taylor Swift found out about Harris’ happy little massage and was immediately suspicious. After all, the guy has a professional masseuse ON STAFF — why would he, one of the richest DJs and music producers in the world, go to a cheap Thai massage parlor? Apparently, Harris tried to tell her that his OWN masseuse was not available, and that he really needed his shoulder rubbed. That is such a stupid, stupid lie, because if Calvin Harris wanted a NORMAL massage, he could have afforded literally ANY PLACE WHERE THEY DO MASSAGES. No no, Taylor Swift was not buying it, so she showed Calvin Harris the metaphorical door, and that was that.

Calvin Harris reportedly begged Taylor to meet up so they could sort things out, but if we know Taylor (and thanks to her song lyrics, we do), this is not a girl who is into giving a guy who does anything sleazy a second chance. It is kind of sad, though, because I was just getting used to being jealous of their seemingly perfect relationship! ON TO THE NEXT ONE, TAYLOR! (And by “next one”, I mean “ohmygod I hope an amazing song comes out of this” because I’m selfish like that).

Images and words via Smosh

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